So there was this time when I had two belly-buttons and they were both innies. No, really. It’s a true story.
Some idiot who shall remain nameless (especially if I am that idiot) decided to ignore weather forecasts and drive all the way from Strathmore, AB, to Upper Kananaskis Lake despite weather warnings well in advance.
You see, after two and a half hours of driving and at least another half an hour of being lost thanks to no cell phone signal AND my GPS losing satellite lock thanks to cloud cover, I spent over three hours getting to the lake and I wasn’t really in the mood to take NO for an answer. Of course I pumped up my paddle board and threw it on the lake. I paid good money for my board and I intend to use it as much as I can before the water ices up.
I should mention that, as I’m doing this, I’m wearing swim trunks, a thin Dr Who t-shirt, and I’m standing outside in wind and drizzle and it is fargin’ cold. The area was filled with hikers in warm, fall gear and every one of them was looking at me like I was insane, which I was. I just shrugged at them and said, “I’m Canadian.” Hey, it worked in the Molson’s commercial. And then I put my board on the water.
Oh my goodness.
It was so cold I was starting to shiver, but I kept going. At least I did until the ten minute mark when a wind gust slapped a large, cold wave across my crotch wherein I now had a second navel. I paddled back to shore with mutterings of fuck this shit and fuck this fucking weather and fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck, etc. I got my cold, wet arse back into Vlad the Impala and departed for warmer climes. This is the one time since buying the car in 2017 I have been bitter about not going for the heated seat option. The car said it was 7C when I went on the water and 5C when I came off, making me something of a moron.
I did get a few photos on the way out, but I was so cold I didn’t want to get out of the heated vehicle. I stopped and considered Barrier Lake near the entrance to Kananaskis, but I realized it was still beyond what I could tolerate. Sanity prevailed and I went home.
At which point I started checking out thermal wetsuits on Amazon… (Quitters never win.)
Today’s images and video are all from my cell phone. I never got to bust out any other camera.
